A Parent’s Guide to Dealing with Bullying & Cyberbullying

Bullying is any behaviour that intentionally scares or hurts another person. Usually, the bullying person has more power than the person being bullied. Social power (popularity) often divides children, although it can also be physical power (being stronger, taller, or older). Bullying is often part of a pattern that unfolds over time. It can take many forms, from pushing or hitting another person, name-calling, damaging their possessions, and shutting them out of important social groups. Cyberbullying takes the same dynamic and moves it onto electronic platforms. Cyberbullying includes:

• Insulting or offensive texts and emails
• Threatening messages sent over online channels
• Posting false information about someone on social media to hurt them or damage their relationships with others
• Circulating photos or videos that have been digitally altered to make the targeted person look foolish or to cause embarrassment
• Falsely accusing someone of wrongdoing through an online channel
• Sharing information or photos online that were intended to be confidential
• Rating someone on attractiveness or popularity using online sites, social media, or texts

Because cyberbullying can easily be done anonymously, the aggression can easily go undetected. This means they can take more risks and engage in even more damaging behaviours than traditional forms of bullying.

It’s essential to recognize that bullying changes as children get older. The forms that it takes and the effects of the bullying shift as children grow physically and change socially. Parents and caregivers need to constantly update their knowledge as their children progress through these stages.

Most children are skilled at hiding what’s happening with them – particularly if they’re embarrassed by the situation – so parents may not be aware that their child has issues until the effects become apparent. Keeping the lines of communication open and ensuring that your child feels safe to share the good and bad things that happen at school is the key to staying on top of how they’re doing. Some objective signs that your child is being bullied are:

• Loss of interest in school or feigned illness to get out of going to school
• Worsening academic performance
• Withdrawing from social activities, including family activities
• Loss of appetite
• Physical ailments, such as headaches and stomach aches, and unexplained injuries such as bruising or soreness
• Psychological problems, such as persistent sadness and anxiety attacks
• Losing possessions or money
• Sleep-related problems, such as insomnia, hypersomnia (sleeping too much), and nightmares

Because each child is different, the effects of bullying won’t be the same for all children—parents need to focus on changes in their child’s behaviours and investigate the cause.

Children are less likely to recognize the dynamics of bullying, so it’s up to adults to educate themselves and have regular conversations with their children about their online and offline experiences. Regular, open discussions can make it easier for children to come to you when they feel uncomfortable or threatened.

Parents should also watch for the signs of bullying, however subtle, and be prepared to listen to their children and provide support if they need it. Children may also see others being bullied, so parents should empower them with guidance about what to do in these cases.

Fighting back tends to escalate bullying, so teach your children to be assertive (saying “stop”) and walk away from the interaction rather than using aggression.

Keeping a record of bullying instances may be helpful if disciplinary action becomes necessary. Taking screenshots of inappropriate online activity and keeping careful phone records will help school administrators and police to follow up.

Some parents will discover that their child is the one doing the bullying. Parents should watch for these signs:

• Aggression, bossiness, or manipulative behaviour toward other family members and even friends
• Lack of empathy or lack of awareness about how their behaviour affects others
• Having money or possessions that they can’t explain
• The presence of people in the child’s environment who model bullying, including the parents themselves, coaches, babysitters, and the child’s siblings

Dealing with bullying behaviour should include reasonable consequences for the conduct, making amends with the other child’s family, and checking in on your behaviour. It’s also important to ask the child why they bully others to see if there’s an underlying problem that can be resolved.